Remember massage parlours? Be nice to your local escorts….

What Some Girls/ Establisments Say And What They Really Mean The Guide For Newbies

"With baby oil? Only 20e extra"

“We open at 11.00″ – the woman with the keys arrives at 11.15 and the masseuses get in at noon.

“Last massage is at 8.00″ – last massage is at 7.15; we lock up at 7.45

“She’s a BBW” –  She is 22 Stone and you will need a crane to get there

”She  is booked up” – Fuck knows where she is, but if you find her please tell her to call

“She’s a cuddly BBW” – she’s clinically obese

“She’s a mature 40 year old!” – she’s over 50

“She’s a mature 50 year old” -she’s at the Post Office cashing her pension

“Today we have Sasha, Louise will be in shortly” – we’ve rung Louise’s home and mobile, we’ve no bloody idea where she is.

“Sasha and Louise do a great two-girl” – that’s £20 extra

“With a great girl-on-girl lesbian show” – and that’s £40 extra

“Free refreshments” – broken biscuit assortment from Lidl”a choice of drink” – tea or coffee but we’ve run out of milk/sugar

“She’s very outgoing” – she’s on drugs

“Her statistics are 36-24-36″ – that’s just round her leg

“She’s a 34d” – she’s 36c (reduce measurement by 2 and cup size by 1 in all descriptions.

“She’ll be available shortly” – at least an hour’s wait

“She’s available now” -she’s be in the room with someone else when you get here (this applies even when you’re ringing from outside

“She’s new” – she has no idea what she’s doing

“She’s popular” – you’ll never get an appointment ever

“She’s going to be really popular” -she looks awful no-one would pick her out of choice

“Toiletries provided” – Lidl pine shower gel

”Classy and clean establishment” We have new air freshener and most of the sheets are washed

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